Nov7

I Detest Being Lied To!

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So I haven’t felt like writing much lately.  I’ve been basking in some sort of funk that borders on psychosis.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I’ve spent a year of my life loving a man who played me like a fiddle.  The truth is coming out.  And as it turns out there was “no” truth.

I don’t miss him nor do I ever want to see him again.  I just want to punch him in the balls really hard and cause him to suffer.

You think you know someone…..  I feel like a damned fool.  I’m so angry at myself lately that I can hardly see straight.

Filed under Abuse, anger, art, betrayal, Depression, douche bags, lies, lost love, love, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

About Ava Elizabeth Wisdom

Greetings Beloved, I am a 40-year old single mother of two boys. I was a stripper for almost a decade and have lived the kind of life that parallels something you'd see in a movie. I not only partied like a rock star, I literally partied with rock stars. I stopped dancing in 2000 and began college when my oldest was 4. Shortly after turning my life back over to the Lord and beginning my academic career at the university, my precious mother, a former Fort Worth Police officer committed suicide. When I found her, she had been dead for 3 days. I did her hair, make-up, got her dressed, and had her nails filled for her viewing and funeral. In a matter of two years I lost 9 members of my family, namely my mother, my grandmother, and my grandfather. In spite of my appearance and way with men, I have never been married. Rejection and abandonment defined me for almost 40 years, really since conception when my biological father deserted my mother as soon as he found out she was carrying me. I am a recovering co-dependent with a heart so big that I have to be cautious so that I don't exhaust myself in focusing on and giving to others. I was a very angry child who grew up in a violent, dysfunctional home so I haven't always loved others from the depths of my heart. However, after the loss of my loved ones, I learned that time is fleeting and that you never know when you're going to see someone for the last time. So now, I am quick to love others and strive to maximize each second that I have with the ones I love. In spite of my sin and my struggles with men, drugs, and alcohol, my faith defines me. I could never deny Christ because at the times of my life when I had everything stripped away I could literally feel Him with me. I love to write and pray that this blog will give you insight into the world of faith-based single parenting, recovery, and redemption and that the journey that we embark on will inspire you and draw you closer to the heart of God. Ava Elizabeth Wisdom

7 Responses »

  3. Don’t be so hard on yourself … the good thing about break-ups is being able to start over again. I’m sorry that you were hurt by that man. Your best revenge is forgiving yourself and moving on. I know it’s easy for me to say and will be a challenge for you, but it’s true. Laugh at the malfunction because in the long run it’s better than crying about it … because it would mean that he’s won. And in reality he hasn’t … he’ll still be a big old “poop chute” and that just plain stinks. Someday a chick will get a whiff of his stench and he’ll get his poetic justice. Take care and stay strong and steadfast …

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